Some people can argue very well. They can win an argument on anything against anybody… and also easily persuade the other person to their way of thinking.
The rest of us find it extremely difficult to even get a simple point across in an argument, valid as it might be. It may be because we are afraid of speaking, clam up, stumble over words or cannot express ourselves properly. The end result is that ot hers don’t believe what we are saying and we have to resignedly give in to the argument. We tend to withdraw into our shell and hang back during arguments as we are unable to stand up for ourselves and say what we feel. But, being able to make your point in an effective manner is quite essential. Else, it is an open invitation for everyone to treat you like a doormat.
Healthy arguing is an important skill that will enable you to share your thoughts or differing opinions on a subject under discussion. Also, disagreements are bound to crop up at work and you will need to argue to state your views, resolve a conflict and even get what you want!
Here, it is important not to confuse arguments with fights, instead think of it as healthy debate and discussion.
Being effective
• Healthy arguing begins with a willingness to listen to what the other person is saying. If you keep thinking of what you will say, it will only distract you from understanding his point. Also, acknowledging his point of view will show that you respect his opinion even if you do not agree with it.
• Be patient and wait for your turn to speak instead of rudely interrupting the speaker or cutting him off. This courtesy may very well prompt him to return the favour.
• But, chances are high that you may still not get a chance to get a word in sideways. Now, you have to be firm and directly tell him to let you speak. Even if he interrupts you, always persist in finishing your point with a firm, “As I was saying…”
Coming to the actual issue of making an effective argument, first decide your goal and always keep in mind what you really want to accomplish. Accordingly, frame a forceful argument based on objective information. Concentrate on offering clear, precise and logical insight into your parameters with sufficient supportive evidence to back your claims. After all, your argument will be effective only when you can express a connected series of statements intended to establish a definite proposition.
Prepare yourself to counter the issues or weaknesses that the other party may raise with relevant facts and logic. Subtly point out that he is wrong, but also be willing to concede if your stand appears to be faulty.
To be convincing, it is equally important to properly form and vocalise your view. This calls for a good, firm posture that emanates power and confidence without appearing aggressive, confrontational or intimidating. Remember to look the person in the eye when speaking; never clench your fists. Speak assertively in a calm and collected voice when arguing your points. Maintain a steady, medium tone that is neither too soft nor high-pitched. Also, choose your words carefully to be able to clearly convey your point.
Keep a tight control on yourself without shouting, getting defensive or resorting to insults. A calm, logical approach will win you more points than lashing out in anger.
It is easy to get carried away during the argument and deviate from the main agenda. Ensure that you keep the dialogue on course and do not lose sight of the ultimate goal.
Last but not the least; remember that being persuasive does not mean always winning or getting your way. Your goal is to get the other person to simply hear your point of view and not necessarily induce him to agree with you (although that would be quite nice). Be willing to compromise and reach a mutually acceptable resolution at best.
PAYAL CHANANIA
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