IN A PERFECT world, men and women would co-exist harmoniously. However, just wishing it does not make it so and the two genders (men and women) continue to live on Mars and Venus respectively!
This fundamental difference between the sexes creates huge differences in the way men and women perceive, interpret and react to any given situation/ communication. Needless to say, their communication styles vary too. Added to this, society's gender stereotyping also affects the way they communicate with each other.
Workplace communication between the genders is no different. There are differing communication styles be it decision-making, team-building or leadership. Sometimes the variance is so great that it is almost as if the two sexes are speaking two different languages! Such unintentional barriers send out confusing signals. Author Deborah Tannen says in her book, `You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation', `Cross-gender communication gap is as vast as any cross-cultural communication gap'. The resultant misunderstandings, tensions and resentment can damage the harmonious fabric of the workplace and take its toll on organisational productivity.
The yawning gap
This is not to say that one is right and the other is wrong. Men and women have their individual and diverse strengths, they just talk differently. Even their approach to sharing information, listening, making decisions, handling conflicts etc. varies as in:
1. Men are direct and aggressive in their speech while women are diplomatic and hesitant
2. Men give information to show expertise while women share information to build relationships
3. When men relate problems, they seek straightforward solutions while women try to build intimacy by discussing problems
4. Similarly, men offer constructive advice while women show concern and empathy over others' problems
5. Men are goal-oriented, women emphasise on feelings
6. Men make unilateral decisions while women seek input to achieve consensus
7. Men give orders and women make suggestions
8. Men tend to argue more while women seek agreement
These differences in gender dynamics have also been described as `debate vs relate', `report vs rapport' and `competitive vs cooperative'. Some gender differences are real, while some others are preconceived notions ingrained in society.
Closing the gap
The difference in perception is apparent as men and women often react to the same situation differently. Therefore, during interactions, men and women should not take what is said at face value, but try to recognise and understand the hidden subtext in the communication. As HR consultant Deborah Orlowski asserts, `It is so important that we recognise the differences so we can move beyond, into new depths of understanding and cooperation'.
They should also become aware of the subconscious cross-gender assumptions ruling their attitudes towards each other and challenge the said stereotypes. Letting go of the age-old prejudice will set the stage for better dialogue and increased camaraderie between both the sexes.
Men and women should not only acknowledge the gender difference, but also alter their own behaviour and communication patterns to increase cooperation and effectiveness. For example, women should use powerful language and not hedge, hesitate or give in easily.
They should give direct orders and not beat around the bush, as men will read it as a sign of incompetence. For instance, women can say, `Come to my office for a meeting' instead of `Will you come to my office?' This will project them as competent, assertive and self-assured.
According to Alice Sargent in her book, The Androgynous Manager, `(Women should) stop self-limiting behaviours, such as allowing interruptions or laughing after making a serious statement'. They should also refrain from offering unsolicited advice to men who infer it as a lack of trust in their abilities.
Similarly, men should recognise the value of a woman's way of thinking instead of dismissing it out of hand. They should use inclusive language devoid of risqué comments or sexual nuances. Also, they should never doubt a woman's capabilities just because she sheds some tears out of frustration.
Indulging in power play by dominating conversations or monopolising actions should be avoided for a peaceful and productive working relationship. Observe and listen in order to be supportive, offer help and seek collaboration.
Understanding and accommodating the subtle gender differences will pave the way for a more objective, meaningful and productive interaction between men and women. And effective teamwork, improved results, better harmony and lower stress levels will automatically follow.
This fundamental difference between the sexes creates huge differences in the way men and women perceive, interpret and react to any given situation/ communication. Needless to say, their communication styles vary too. Added to this, society's gender stereotyping also affects the way they communicate with each other.
Workplace communication between the genders is no different. There are differing communication styles be it decision-making, team-building or leadership. Sometimes the variance is so great that it is almost as if the two sexes are speaking two different languages! Such unintentional barriers send out confusing signals. Author Deborah Tannen says in her book, `You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation', `Cross-gender communication gap is as vast as any cross-cultural communication gap'. The resultant misunderstandings, tensions and resentment can damage the harmonious fabric of the workplace and take its toll on organisational productivity.
The yawning gap
This is not to say that one is right and the other is wrong. Men and women have their individual and diverse strengths, they just talk differently. Even their approach to sharing information, listening, making decisions, handling conflicts etc. varies as in:
1. Men are direct and aggressive in their speech while women are diplomatic and hesitant
2. Men give information to show expertise while women share information to build relationships
3. When men relate problems, they seek straightforward solutions while women try to build intimacy by discussing problems
4. Similarly, men offer constructive advice while women show concern and empathy over others' problems
5. Men are goal-oriented, women emphasise on feelings
6. Men make unilateral decisions while women seek input to achieve consensus
7. Men give orders and women make suggestions
8. Men tend to argue more while women seek agreement
These differences in gender dynamics have also been described as `debate vs relate', `report vs rapport' and `competitive vs cooperative'. Some gender differences are real, while some others are preconceived notions ingrained in society.
Closing the gap
The difference in perception is apparent as men and women often react to the same situation differently. Therefore, during interactions, men and women should not take what is said at face value, but try to recognise and understand the hidden subtext in the communication. As HR consultant Deborah Orlowski asserts, `It is so important that we recognise the differences so we can move beyond, into new depths of understanding and cooperation'.
They should also become aware of the subconscious cross-gender assumptions ruling their attitudes towards each other and challenge the said stereotypes. Letting go of the age-old prejudice will set the stage for better dialogue and increased camaraderie between both the sexes.
Men and women should not only acknowledge the gender difference, but also alter their own behaviour and communication patterns to increase cooperation and effectiveness. For example, women should use powerful language and not hedge, hesitate or give in easily.
They should give direct orders and not beat around the bush, as men will read it as a sign of incompetence. For instance, women can say, `Come to my office for a meeting' instead of `Will you come to my office?' This will project them as competent, assertive and self-assured.
According to Alice Sargent in her book, The Androgynous Manager, `(Women should) stop self-limiting behaviours, such as allowing interruptions or laughing after making a serious statement'. They should also refrain from offering unsolicited advice to men who infer it as a lack of trust in their abilities.
Similarly, men should recognise the value of a woman's way of thinking instead of dismissing it out of hand. They should use inclusive language devoid of risqué comments or sexual nuances. Also, they should never doubt a woman's capabilities just because she sheds some tears out of frustration.
Indulging in power play by dominating conversations or monopolising actions should be avoided for a peaceful and productive working relationship. Observe and listen in order to be supportive, offer help and seek collaboration.
Understanding and accommodating the subtle gender differences will pave the way for a more objective, meaningful and productive interaction between men and women. And effective teamwork, improved results, better harmony and lower stress levels will automatically follow.
PAYAL CHANANIA
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