Published on Wednesday, Dec 05, 2007
Mr. Amit is widely acclaimed as a brilliant employee who always turns in spectacular work and tremendous results. His attention to detail and iron determination is equally lauded. Little surprise that he rapidly ascends the career ladder and scales great heights. But are his colleagues and subordinates similarly in awe of his incredible performance?
To the contrary, a simmering antagonism is brewing, and the finger of blame swings to his obnoxious penchant for control! Mr. Amit is another product of the ‘I am in control’ stable!
Such people have a subliminal compulsion to organise and dominate everyone and everything around them. This dysfunctional ‘I know best’ affinity manifests itself time and again as constant nit picking, meddling and criticism. They adamantly call all the shots and insist that everything be done their way. Moreover, not only do such people offer unsolicited advice all the time and insist that it is adhered to, but also instantly suppress any opposing opinions or attitudes of others. Needless to say, everyone else’s work life becomes a total misery, as any disagreement is explosively met with a hostile rage.
Similarly, the workplace also abounds with micro-managing supervisors who simply have to have a ‘hands on’ everything. They are constantly looking over subordinates’ shoulders, rechecking their work and finding faults. Running a tight ship, they are not even beyond launching an aggressive personal attack at the slightest hint of dissent. This is accompanied by an obdurate refusal to delegate work and value, praise or even acknowledge others’ contributions.
However, employees cannot function under such restraining conditions and soon, even their ample competence slowly transforms into incompetence. The result is a suffocating atmosphere that completely stifles vision, morale and growth.
Is there an inherent superciliousness shadowing the propensity to seek control and be bossy, or is there something else at work here?
Well, experts believe that a megalomaniac need to always be in charge of things actually stems from a person’s inherent insecurities. They have to run the show and are paranoid about losing control. Bossing others by imposing their opinions and ways hints at a genuine need to validate oneself. As leading executive coach, Jon Stokes elaborates, “Underneath the behaviour is fear and anxiety. The ’control’ person thinks he is holding everything together and if he lets his side down, all will come crashing down.”
To the contrary, a simmering antagonism is brewing, and the finger of blame swings to his obnoxious penchant for control! Mr. Amit is another product of the ‘I am in control’ stable!
Such people have a subliminal compulsion to organise and dominate everyone and everything around them. This dysfunctional ‘I know best’ affinity manifests itself time and again as constant nit picking, meddling and criticism. They adamantly call all the shots and insist that everything be done their way. Moreover, not only do such people offer unsolicited advice all the time and insist that it is adhered to, but also instantly suppress any opposing opinions or attitudes of others. Needless to say, everyone else’s work life becomes a total misery, as any disagreement is explosively met with a hostile rage.
Similarly, the workplace also abounds with micro-managing supervisors who simply have to have a ‘hands on’ everything. They are constantly looking over subordinates’ shoulders, rechecking their work and finding faults. Running a tight ship, they are not even beyond launching an aggressive personal attack at the slightest hint of dissent. This is accompanied by an obdurate refusal to delegate work and value, praise or even acknowledge others’ contributions.
However, employees cannot function under such restraining conditions and soon, even their ample competence slowly transforms into incompetence. The result is a suffocating atmosphere that completely stifles vision, morale and growth.
Is there an inherent superciliousness shadowing the propensity to seek control and be bossy, or is there something else at work here?
Well, experts believe that a megalomaniac need to always be in charge of things actually stems from a person’s inherent insecurities. They have to run the show and are paranoid about losing control. Bossing others by imposing their opinions and ways hints at a genuine need to validate oneself. As leading executive coach, Jon Stokes elaborates, “Underneath the behaviour is fear and anxiety. The ’control’ person thinks he is holding everything together and if he lets his side down, all will come crashing down.”
Operation: Reformation
Always being on top of everything with high personal standards does have its advantages, as you can achieve remarkable results initially but at what cost? An incessant quest for control pays the price with damaged work relationships and ultimately restrains your own success.
Therefore, unless you want to alienate everyone and end in a catastrophic failure, take a personal inventory to identify your reactive style. Reflect on why you are so frightened of being out of control. Why do you feel uncomfortable acknowledging that someone else’s opinion is better than your own? What makes you feel you know what’s best for others?
To tame such dictatorial tendencies, you have to overcome your jealousy and hidden insecurities. As a confident person, you will never feel threatened or get upset in the face of disagreement. An inability to trust combined with perceived threats may also be fuelling your anxiety. There is no reason to feel unsafe as no one is going to usurp your authority. Also, the world will not fall apart without you at the helm! Furthermore, you cannot actually control how other people think and behave howsoever much you may want to. The resultant stress will only prove destructive.
Therefore, it is prudent to relinquish your close-minded control and become an effective team player. Be on the healthy side of control by having not a tenacious and invasive grip, but a soft, feathery hold on things. Exercising some flexibility by say, altering your routine will help you to loosen up and relax. Once you have what it takes to deal with whatever comes your way, watch your work and relationships bloom.
As professional coach, Terri Levine puts it, “Let the proof that controlling others and every situation is not necessary for your success and happiness be the validation you need that everything is fine and so are you!”
Even as a manager, try to let go of the reins and trust employees to do their bit. Be tolerant of mistakes and open to discussing alternate ideas for work. Concentrate on the big picture and give people a chance to contribute. Empowering employees with professional autonomy, accountability and providing valuable feedback will ensure better performance.
All said and done, exerting control over one’s environment is a fundamental human need. In fact, you have to be a little controlling to do an excellent job or complete a project in time. However, there is a very fine line between taking charge and having an unhealthy obsession with control. When you find that people cannot work with you and tend to avoid you because of your over-controlling tendencies, its high time you wake up and mend your ways. After all it has been rightly said that,
‘Those who can, do. Those who can’t, control!’
Always being on top of everything with high personal standards does have its advantages, as you can achieve remarkable results initially but at what cost? An incessant quest for control pays the price with damaged work relationships and ultimately restrains your own success.
Therefore, unless you want to alienate everyone and end in a catastrophic failure, take a personal inventory to identify your reactive style. Reflect on why you are so frightened of being out of control. Why do you feel uncomfortable acknowledging that someone else’s opinion is better than your own? What makes you feel you know what’s best for others?
To tame such dictatorial tendencies, you have to overcome your jealousy and hidden insecurities. As a confident person, you will never feel threatened or get upset in the face of disagreement. An inability to trust combined with perceived threats may also be fuelling your anxiety. There is no reason to feel unsafe as no one is going to usurp your authority. Also, the world will not fall apart without you at the helm! Furthermore, you cannot actually control how other people think and behave howsoever much you may want to. The resultant stress will only prove destructive.
Therefore, it is prudent to relinquish your close-minded control and become an effective team player. Be on the healthy side of control by having not a tenacious and invasive grip, but a soft, feathery hold on things. Exercising some flexibility by say, altering your routine will help you to loosen up and relax. Once you have what it takes to deal with whatever comes your way, watch your work and relationships bloom.
As professional coach, Terri Levine puts it, “Let the proof that controlling others and every situation is not necessary for your success and happiness be the validation you need that everything is fine and so are you!”
Even as a manager, try to let go of the reins and trust employees to do their bit. Be tolerant of mistakes and open to discussing alternate ideas for work. Concentrate on the big picture and give people a chance to contribute. Empowering employees with professional autonomy, accountability and providing valuable feedback will ensure better performance.
All said and done, exerting control over one’s environment is a fundamental human need. In fact, you have to be a little controlling to do an excellent job or complete a project in time. However, there is a very fine line between taking charge and having an unhealthy obsession with control. When you find that people cannot work with you and tend to avoid you because of your over-controlling tendencies, its high time you wake up and mend your ways. After all it has been rightly said that,
‘Those who can, do. Those who can’t, control!’
PAYAL CHANANIA
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