Published on Wednesday, Apr 02, 2008
At face value, verbal communication seems pretty harmless; yet beneath the ostensibly innocuous exchanges, a very subtle form of power play is often under way.
Some ‘powerful’ persons try to dominate a conversation by pushing others back against the wall. They employ petty tactics like squelching people’s contributions, avoiding response to comments or simply going on with their own chatter in a bid to maintain control over the conversation. Such aggressive steamrolling may boost their ego and compel others to just listen, but generates a largely win-lose situation especially in business dialogues. Power struggles - where participants are only bent on gaining the upper hand-are largely unproductive.
At times, you may also be stuck in a one-sided conversation where you want to get your point across, but people do not let you get a word in. Unable to render your line of thought, you may give up in disappointment, frustration or plain disgust.
But, staying quiet and acquiescing actually paints you as a loser. Your brightest views, perceptions, ideas and intentions are completely useless unless you can make them heard. On the other hand, the more you learn how to manage conversations, the greater are your chances of achieving success and climbing to the top.
Some ‘powerful’ persons try to dominate a conversation by pushing others back against the wall. They employ petty tactics like squelching people’s contributions, avoiding response to comments or simply going on with their own chatter in a bid to maintain control over the conversation. Such aggressive steamrolling may boost their ego and compel others to just listen, but generates a largely win-lose situation especially in business dialogues. Power struggles - where participants are only bent on gaining the upper hand-are largely unproductive.
At times, you may also be stuck in a one-sided conversation where you want to get your point across, but people do not let you get a word in. Unable to render your line of thought, you may give up in disappointment, frustration or plain disgust.
But, staying quiet and acquiescing actually paints you as a loser. Your brightest views, perceptions, ideas and intentions are completely useless unless you can make them heard. On the other hand, the more you learn how to manage conversations, the greater are your chances of achieving success and climbing to the top.
Tips on negotiating the rocky terrain of power games in conversation dynamics:
What do you want to say?: Simply rambling on with vague ideas or thinking aloud never garnered anyone an attentive audience. It is best to first compose your thoughts so as to recognise, understand and appreciate what you have to say, and only then expect others to do the same. Besides, ensure that you are adding value to the ongoing conversation by voicing an informed, valid and genuine opinion instead of unnecessarily butting in with pointless comments.
The correct mindset: A lot also depends on how you say what you have to say. So, do not panic at the prospect of putting in your two cents. Build a positive mental approach and speak your piece with conviction. Suppress rushed speech, thoughtless words and nervous hesitations even while making efforts to sound confident, assertive, lively and interesting. Articulating your words clearly with an engaging voice inflection and a subtle emphasis in the right places can also make people ‘sit up’ or even better, ‘shut up’ and listen.
On the ball: A conversation is not all about talking or just putting your own point across. First listen to what is being said and identify the right cues for injecting your stimulating thoughts without interrupting others. If your input is still ignored, focus on the current track while gently streaming it towards your point of view. Alternatively, if you want to speak about something else, exercise conversational powers like asking leading questions to gradually steer the dialogue in a particular direction.
Stand your ground: At times, you may keep waiting for your turn to speak, but to no avail. Or, some people may try to manipulate the flow of conversation by repeatedly making mincemeat of your contributions. In such a case, do not get flustered or defensive and give in to the ambitious power play. You have to hold your own to get through what you want to say.
Refocus the conversation by repeating yourself. You can further up the pressure by firmly sticking to your point or angle for cooperation by saying, “I need your view on what I just told you...”
Else, as internationally acclaimed executive coach and author Laura Weiss suggests, “If you want to defuse the situation and allow the other person to save face while you de-escalate the power struggle, you can assume the blame for the uncomfortable conversation.”
Apart from this, do bear in mind that people who have built solid credibility and respect for themselves are more prone to be heard.
To sum up, an arsenal of effective communication skills is essential for everything from explaining or advising to persuading or selling.
These strategies will help you to turn difficult conversations into smart opportunities for grabbing attention and attaining success.
But, do not misuse them for manipulative purposes like manoeuvring your own sly agenda or controlling other people’s conversations. Simply concentrate on building a pleasant and balanced conversation, and you will not only put across your opinion but also a good impression.
What do you want to say?: Simply rambling on with vague ideas or thinking aloud never garnered anyone an attentive audience. It is best to first compose your thoughts so as to recognise, understand and appreciate what you have to say, and only then expect others to do the same. Besides, ensure that you are adding value to the ongoing conversation by voicing an informed, valid and genuine opinion instead of unnecessarily butting in with pointless comments.
The correct mindset: A lot also depends on how you say what you have to say. So, do not panic at the prospect of putting in your two cents. Build a positive mental approach and speak your piece with conviction. Suppress rushed speech, thoughtless words and nervous hesitations even while making efforts to sound confident, assertive, lively and interesting. Articulating your words clearly with an engaging voice inflection and a subtle emphasis in the right places can also make people ‘sit up’ or even better, ‘shut up’ and listen.
On the ball: A conversation is not all about talking or just putting your own point across. First listen to what is being said and identify the right cues for injecting your stimulating thoughts without interrupting others. If your input is still ignored, focus on the current track while gently streaming it towards your point of view. Alternatively, if you want to speak about something else, exercise conversational powers like asking leading questions to gradually steer the dialogue in a particular direction.
Stand your ground: At times, you may keep waiting for your turn to speak, but to no avail. Or, some people may try to manipulate the flow of conversation by repeatedly making mincemeat of your contributions. In such a case, do not get flustered or defensive and give in to the ambitious power play. You have to hold your own to get through what you want to say.
Refocus the conversation by repeating yourself. You can further up the pressure by firmly sticking to your point or angle for cooperation by saying, “I need your view on what I just told you...”
Else, as internationally acclaimed executive coach and author Laura Weiss suggests, “If you want to defuse the situation and allow the other person to save face while you de-escalate the power struggle, you can assume the blame for the uncomfortable conversation.”
Apart from this, do bear in mind that people who have built solid credibility and respect for themselves are more prone to be heard.
To sum up, an arsenal of effective communication skills is essential for everything from explaining or advising to persuading or selling.
These strategies will help you to turn difficult conversations into smart opportunities for grabbing attention and attaining success.
But, do not misuse them for manipulative purposes like manoeuvring your own sly agenda or controlling other people’s conversations. Simply concentrate on building a pleasant and balanced conversation, and you will not only put across your opinion but also a good impression.
PAYAL CHANANIA
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