Published on Wednesday, Dec 17, 2008
Nastiness pervades our work environment. It can take the shape of insensitive bosses, rude co-workers or malicious teammates. Your manager may play favourites or cut you out from a well-deserved promotion. A colleague may steal credit for your work or even backstab you. Another team member may delight in treating you unfairly or try to humiliate you in front of everybody.
The petty behaviour is not only annoying, but can also make you feel hurt and slighted. At best, the transgression can be trivial; at worst it can be painful. A quintessentially tit-for-tat culture is present and we are quite prone to think in terms of keeping score and taking revenge. The counter-strikes can range from verbal confrontations and abuses to plotting behind the back for ‘fair’ retribution.
Everyone is so totally focused on taking ‘an eye for an eye’, that the notion of forgiveness does not enter the picture. In fact, people often deem that forgiveness has no place in the ruthless world of work.However, consider this, your anger is truly justified, but the offence will eat away at you, making ‘you’ a victim in more ways than one. Mentally replaying the hurt and dwelling on the wounded feelings will burden you more than anyone else. The preoccupation with holding grudges and seeking vengeance can also take its toll on your work output and mar your career prospects.
As a top management consultant points out, “If people are spending a lot of time and energy playing the payback game, it absorbs energy and time from contributing to a company’s bottom line”.
What’s more, retaliating and getting even can only give momentary satisfaction, while true forgiveness will actually lighten your heart forever!
So it’s in your own best interests to release the anger and take the high road to forgiveness. The healing effect will free you of the fury, resentment and confusion that are compromising your life and work. It can also help cure any misunderstandings that may be fuelling your hurt feelings.
Letting go and moving past the transgression will help you to get on with your work and become more productive.
Especially in today’s circumstances, it is not a good idea to continue fighting it out for petty revenge. What you need to do is rise above the paltry grudges and act as a team by valuing each other and respecting everyone’s viewpoint. It even makes business sense to practice forgiveness as a lot more can be accomplished by working together than being apart.
Yet forgiving someone is not really an easy task. It calls for great courage and generosity. Much as we would like to, most of us cannot bring ourselves to truly forgive a person who has wronged us. The pain and misery can often drive a deep wedge, which is difficult to overcome.
Try to make the deliberate choice by thinking in terms of the big picture. Consider why do you want to give someone power over you and your performance? Truly, the best revenge is not to let the unpleasant occurrences affect you and carry on as if nothing has happened!
Moreover, reflect whether the consequences of holding on to the grievances are really worth it. It can create conflicts and stress as you try to avoid contact with the wrongdoer. Constantly plotting revenge can also block your energy. Also try to get the real perspective on the situation. Your primary distress can often arise more from your hurt feelings and thoughts than the actual wrongdoing. What’s more, sometimes the reasons for refusing to forgive may no longer even be valid!
The persistent anger and frustration will also take its toll on your physical and mental health, making you miss work days and can even induce you to change jobs. Therefore, forgiveness will lead the way for healthy relationships and a peaceful life.
Real forgiveness may take some time, but it will definitely free you off the emotional baggage. You just have to remain positive and draw on your hidden ability to forgive.
You don’t have to even explicitly tell the other person that you have forgiven him. What is important is that the pardon should come from inside and reflect on your actions or behaviour. Show that you are not holding it against him. However, don’t let people take advantage of your change of heart. Remember that you are only reconciling with the deed, not condoning or justifying the same. Do not let the person repeat the same offence again.
To quote Mahatma Gandhi’s famous words, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong!”
PAYAL CHANANIA
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