Published on April 18, 2012
Picture this: It is almost 7 p.m. by the time working mothers reach home after a full day's work.
There is an exam the next day but the children are sleepy with rapidly waning attention. Not to mention that dinner is yet to be cooked.
Time is in short supply; stress levels are at all-time highs; tears, tantrums and anxiety reign all around. What's more, the examination stress carries over to the next day, spilling into the work day as well.
Managing everything and still keeping your sanity intact is a tough balancing act indeed.
As Ms. Chitra Shyam, Group Manager-Diversity, HCL Technologies articulates, “For a working mother, managing the kid's homework and work itself can sometimes be really tricky; exam times may seem really testing!”
Then there is the overriding guilt of not being able to do justice to any of the demands!
To add to the prevailing apprehension, surveys place the blame of poor academics squarely on the working mothers' shoulders asserting that their children fare worse in various assessments and examinations!
Getting it as right as possible
For starters, keep those guilt pangs at bay as other studies reveal diametrically contrary results – they state that working mothers have positive effects on the social development, educational progress and intelligence of children (especially on girls)!
The key to the examination quandary is to ‘prepare in advance'. Instil good studying habits in the children so that they do their lessons regularly.
Keep a methodical track of their studies (use weekends) and clear their doubts as and when they arise.
As Mrs. Vandana Khosla, Founder, Director of Elvy Lifestyle elucidates, “When you get lesser time for your kids after work, all you need to do is set up a routine for your child and yourself.
The 3-4 hours you get after office should be utilised for your child. Have daily chat about his day while he drinks his milk and has his snacks after he comes back from school.
This helps you chalk out the evening accordingly.”
Armed with adequate advance preparation, children will only need to revise the day before the exam, putting paid to last minute burdens and tension.
When examinations are coming up, work out an appropriate study schedule along with the child (discuss syllabus and invite suggestions).
Show that you are always there to help and focus on ways to escalate your involvement in a sustainable manner.
Ms. Chitra Shyam explains, “Every night I ensure that I am well versed with her day/school routine, check her homework and the tests. This way I am much updated about her strengths and weaknesses in different subject areas.
Therefore during the exam time, in order to make the study schedule more predictable, I discuss with my daughter and freeze the study time and cartoon show timings.”
Mrs. Neha Singhal, DLF School, reiterates, “Always keep communication open with your child no matter how old he or she is.
Make a habit of leaving notes for your children, which they can read when they return home from school or tuition classes, discuss things with them and ask them how they feel about things.
During exams if proper care is not taken or if the small problems are not discussed then it may create chaos and frustration to a child.”
Apart from this, working mothers should accept that their work schedules may come in the way of studies.
Create a support system accordingly - split the responsibility with the husbands or seek the help of other family members. Else, opt for private tuitions if needed. Seek flexi-time work options if possible – work from home or come back home early. One working mother rationalises, “Try to work from home and follow the same routine but finish your work in the child's absence so that you will be able to spend more time with their studies once they are home…”
Prioritise very firmly; for instance the mopping can take a backseat for a while or cooking chores relegated to paid help.
Mrs. Neha Singhal, DLF School elaborates, “When the exams are approaching, a mother must give adequate time, love and attention to their kids.
A little rearrangement of schedule and a change in perspective will help”.
Above all, remember that the mother being stressed, nervous or unsure is extremely detrimental for the children and their performance.
What they need is peaceful care, support, guidance and encouragement at this crucial juncture.
No anxiety and definitely no nagging! And don't forget to celebrate once the exams are done!
What's more, the manner in which you handle examination time will set a precedent for shaping the children's own attitude to challenges in life! As Ms. Chitra Shyam continues, “The baseline is not to scare the kid with the term ‘exam time' but to try and keep it as normal as always and work to leverage on the child's strengths. As children of this generation face too much of peer pressure, so as parents, the least one could do is to not build any extra pressure in the name of exams!”
Payal Chanania
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