Published on April 6, 2011
Very many individuals today are working in professions they don't like at all. This is because of a wrong career choice – not by them but by their parents!Alas, many fathers and mothers still force their offspring to become doctors, engineers or now computer engineers. Still other sons and daughters are compelled to carry forward their parent's ‘lineage' – and so its imperative that a lawyer's son goes to law school while a businessman's son has no choice but to run the family business…..
The trend continues as it is the parents who persist in choosing which company to work for and even which role will be ‘suitable'!
Some children meekly accept the interfering pressure of such ‘helicopter parents' probably as a mark of respect and honour while some are resigned to the ‘best decision for you' after a prolonged clash. Such an overbearing parental pressure often leads to disastrous results ranging from utterly mediocre performance to even absolute failure.
Wake-up call
It's a fact that we work almost all our life, and its quite hard to continue doing something you don't like for so long. One wrong career decision can ruin our whole life leading to total regret, disappointment and unhappiness all around.
Therefore, its high time that parents stop to think – Doesn't forcing your choice on your children inadvertently set them up for a life of misery and failure? Moreover, the excessive involvement and hand-holding will only backfire as thereafter, the child needs constant direction and can never become an independent thinker or self-sufficient decision-maker tomorrow. I am sure no father/mother intentionally ever wants such an outcome!
First, parents should realise that trying to live your own dreams through your child is the biggest mistake. Simultaneously, also accept the harsh truth that your offspring may not necessarily want to do the same thing as you do or what you want them to do!
In the parents' defence, they obviously do mean well and want only what's best for their children. They are only ‘doing their duty' and find it very hard to let the youngsters take ‘wrong' decisions.
But, what the youth actually need is a lot more freedom in choosing their vocation. Give them the space to identify their interests, passions, dreams and ambitions while analysing their personal characteristics, values, strengths, weaknesses, talents and abilities. By dwelling on what they are good at, what they want to do and what they aspire to achieve, they will be in a much better position to identify the best career path for themselves. This independence is bound to engender the much-needed confidence in their own worth, thus creating a much more engaged and committed professional! What's more, by doing what they like, they will definitely enjoy it all the more and put in 100% effort as well thus paving the way for career and life success.
This does not however imply that the parents have no role to play while the child settles on the ‘right career of my own choice'. Fathers and mothers still play a very important role of experienced counsel, support and sounding board as they subtly guide their children without ruffling any feathers. Instead of dictating, suggest options and logically explain the pros and cons with the focus firmly fixed on your son/daughter's likes and strengths. “Act as a steering wheel in a car rather than a driver itself!”
Just by being there for your children and supporting their decision, you will be surprised to see that your son/daughter turns to you on his/her own (at times even being inclined to pick the same as the parent's career).
Sitting together and having open discussions sans any compulsion will build a healthy respect for your opinion and choice thus enabling you to motivate and help shape your child's career in the right direction.
Unfortunately, but even if your child seems to falter it is better to let him make his own mistakes and learn from them.
The parents' role is to be there for their children every step of the way (especially as an anchor when they stumble), but stay in the background being ever ready to offer any required support and assistance.
To sum up, agreed that choosing a career is one of life's most difficult decisions – a period of tremendous tension and anxiety for parents and students alike. But, it pays to bear in mind that today's youth is more than capable of making their own decisions and deciding their own future. What's more, a wrong personal choice is still better than being influenced/brainwashed/forced into doing something you don't want to!
Apart from this, today a career is more than just having a job and earning a living. It defines a person's life and abilities. Also, many young people do not place the same priority on getting a high salary as their parents do.
They might be more interested in a lower paying career that matches their interests or that provides spiritual, emotional, psychological or social rewards, rather than monetary ones.
Therefore, it is better to set them up for success right from the start by helping them learn how to make the right decisions in the first place!
Payal Chanania
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