Published on Wednesday, Apr 11, 2007
"COME ON! You can work on the project tomorrow. All of us are leaving early today. Let's go". Does the drone of such whining give rise to a hesitant grumble deep in your throat? Do you end up berating yourself, "It will look terrible if I am the only one who doesn't go".
Well then, welcome to the peer pressure blues abounding in the corporate cubicles. Yes, you cannot bid goodbye to the `pressure to conform' with textbooks and exams.
We spend most of our waking hours at work and mushrooming colleague friendships are part and parcel of the official lives. The `group' hangs around together at the water cooler, during breaks and at times spills over with socialising after work hours too. Everything is hunky-dory as long as individual behaviour and thinking gels with group tendencies.
But, what happens when you feel you `have to' do something that you may not normally choose to do?
Peer pressure rears its ugly head in the form of lying to the boss, shirking work, gossiping, defying rules, accepting kickbacks, leaving early or even working late. Do the accepted thing or get out is the unwritten rule. The `forced into it' employee goes with the flow instead of standing up for his beliefs.
Contrary to popular belief, defying a bully is a tad easier as one can garner support from others who are in the same boat and also win accolades as a `courageous hero'.
But, when it comes to resisting the subtle pressure from friends or colleagues, it's a different ballgame altogether. After all, everyone wants to be liked and needs to fit in to get a sense of belonging. The sense of security wins hands down as opposed to the fear of mockery and isolation.
How far can you go to be accepted?
If you find yourself faced with the mind-boggling dilemma - to do what is right or what everyone is doing, consider these pointers before making a decision:
Not always a bad thing - Peer pressure has positive connotations too. You may feel pressured to work hard and perform better in the company of diligent and industrious colleagues, which is a good thing. Also, the pressure to conform to company rules is a necessity. Infect, it can work as a monitoring system too.
When in Rome, do as the Romans do - You have to work hand-in-glove with your colleagues. So, give in to small deviations from your personal standards to maintain harmonious relationships. Stick to matters that are worth hauling over the coals.
It ain't over even after its over - If you find yourself doing something that goes against the grain, think about the knock-on effect before blindly following group norms. Will you be able to live with yourself after committing to the deed? The final decision is yours and you will have to take the rap for it. Watch out lest you should risk your job too.
It's all in the mind - At times; people blow up the consequences beyond proportions. Colleagues may accept your `resistant' stance and still remain friends with you. As someone said, `No one can make you feel inferior without your consent'.
Doing the unthinkable: Saying `no'
It is indeed tough to be the only one who says `no' to peer pressure, but you can do it. Moreover, when you choose to refuse, it's how you say it that counts.
Well then, welcome to the peer pressure blues abounding in the corporate cubicles. Yes, you cannot bid goodbye to the `pressure to conform' with textbooks and exams.
We spend most of our waking hours at work and mushrooming colleague friendships are part and parcel of the official lives. The `group' hangs around together at the water cooler, during breaks and at times spills over with socialising after work hours too. Everything is hunky-dory as long as individual behaviour and thinking gels with group tendencies.
But, what happens when you feel you `have to' do something that you may not normally choose to do?
Peer pressure rears its ugly head in the form of lying to the boss, shirking work, gossiping, defying rules, accepting kickbacks, leaving early or even working late. Do the accepted thing or get out is the unwritten rule. The `forced into it' employee goes with the flow instead of standing up for his beliefs.
Contrary to popular belief, defying a bully is a tad easier as one can garner support from others who are in the same boat and also win accolades as a `courageous hero'.
But, when it comes to resisting the subtle pressure from friends or colleagues, it's a different ballgame altogether. After all, everyone wants to be liked and needs to fit in to get a sense of belonging. The sense of security wins hands down as opposed to the fear of mockery and isolation.
How far can you go to be accepted?
If you find yourself faced with the mind-boggling dilemma - to do what is right or what everyone is doing, consider these pointers before making a decision:
Not always a bad thing - Peer pressure has positive connotations too. You may feel pressured to work hard and perform better in the company of diligent and industrious colleagues, which is a good thing. Also, the pressure to conform to company rules is a necessity. Infect, it can work as a monitoring system too.
When in Rome, do as the Romans do - You have to work hand-in-glove with your colleagues. So, give in to small deviations from your personal standards to maintain harmonious relationships. Stick to matters that are worth hauling over the coals.
It ain't over even after its over - If you find yourself doing something that goes against the grain, think about the knock-on effect before blindly following group norms. Will you be able to live with yourself after committing to the deed? The final decision is yours and you will have to take the rap for it. Watch out lest you should risk your job too.
It's all in the mind - At times; people blow up the consequences beyond proportions. Colleagues may accept your `resistant' stance and still remain friends with you. As someone said, `No one can make you feel inferior without your consent'.
Doing the unthinkable: Saying `no'
It is indeed tough to be the only one who says `no' to peer pressure, but you can do it. Moreover, when you choose to refuse, it's how you say it that counts.
- Refuse politely in a calm and discreet manner. Steer clear of confrontational or argumentative overtones to avoid offending others in the group.
- Do not resort to sermonising. State your excuses or reasoning and change the subject or simply walk away. But, be assertive enough to show that you will stand by your opinion.
- Adopt a non-judgmental stance; do not express disdain for others' choices.
- Explain that you can and want to remain friendly with colleagues even though you do not agree with their activities.
- Go a step ahead and describe alternatives or suggestions if the colleagues portray a willingness to listen.
- You can even subtly try to exert pressure of your own to do the right thing.
Moral of the story
What you believe should dictate what you do. Inculcate a strong set of personal values. Let your feelings and beliefs dictate your actions.
Build the inner strength and self-confidence to stand firm and resist doing something when you know better. Follow your gut instinct; it will definitely lead you in the right direction.
As the famed baseball champion, Yogi Berra said, "Don't always follow the crowd, because nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded." Resist peer pressure, stay an individual.
PAYAL AGARWAL
Love this article - so true. We don't really think of peer pressure for adults & dismiss it as something exclusive to children - or housewives who 'keep up with the joneses'. It's so prevalent in the workplace!
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