Published on Wednesday, Jan 10, 2007
P.G. WODEHOUSE'S characteristic tongue-in-cheek aside goes, `I always advise people never to give advice... ...' It seems like a sound forewarning as, what worked wonders for one can result in devastating consequences for the other.
Hardly anyone actually pays heed to it. The truth is, everyone loves giving advice. Who can resist succumbing to the temptation of imparting those `priceless beads of wisdom'? Apart from validating the advisor's efforts and knowledge, the act of giving advice is a major ego boost - it notches up our sense of self-importance, authority and influence.
So, does it follow that everyone should refrain from giving advice to others? No way, because providing a piece of advice is as much necessary as it is risky. Rational advice helps the seeker find the right path, or at least become clear on what he wants. Without the guiding light of genuine advice, most people would end up wasting inordinate time on trial-and-error.
We constantly look to our superiors for sound suggestions, direction, encouragement and warning. So an effective manager is one who counsels his employees on an ongoing basis.
Paying the price
Giving advice is an art in itself. A poorly thought out statement or negligent slip can complicate matters and even prove to be disastrous. A hastily uttered opinion can haunt one forever, as receptive colleagues will not hesitate to bandy it around.
The realm of advising is a complex matter; exercising prudence alone can keep the advisor from voicing something he may subsequently regret. Striking the right balance between necessity and entailed risks is imperative.
Here's some advise (pun unintended) on what to keep in mind before uttering even a single word of advice:
Hardly anyone actually pays heed to it. The truth is, everyone loves giving advice. Who can resist succumbing to the temptation of imparting those `priceless beads of wisdom'? Apart from validating the advisor's efforts and knowledge, the act of giving advice is a major ego boost - it notches up our sense of self-importance, authority and influence.
So, does it follow that everyone should refrain from giving advice to others? No way, because providing a piece of advice is as much necessary as it is risky. Rational advice helps the seeker find the right path, or at least become clear on what he wants. Without the guiding light of genuine advice, most people would end up wasting inordinate time on trial-and-error.
We constantly look to our superiors for sound suggestions, direction, encouragement and warning. So an effective manager is one who counsels his employees on an ongoing basis.
Paying the price
Giving advice is an art in itself. A poorly thought out statement or negligent slip can complicate matters and even prove to be disastrous. A hastily uttered opinion can haunt one forever, as receptive colleagues will not hesitate to bandy it around.
The realm of advising is a complex matter; exercising prudence alone can keep the advisor from voicing something he may subsequently regret. Striking the right balance between necessity and entailed risks is imperative.
Here's some advise (pun unintended) on what to keep in mind before uttering even a single word of advice:
- Tread carefully as an apparently parallel issue can still have multi-dimensional contexts. Discuss the problem to place the exact facts and distinct circumstances of the case. Trying to second-guess or assume variables will unnecessarily cloud the matter.
- Do not rush in with off-the-cuff solutions. Thoroughly analyse all possibilities, implications and outcomes before formulating shrewd advice that is worth following. Also, be willing to adjust it to accommodate the possible differences in the situations.
- An executive coach highlights, `There is really no such thing as a dumb question, only dumb answers - and so-called dumb questions are a lot less embarrassing than dumb mistakes'. So, if you do not have a ready solution, request some time to ponder or consult over the issue instead of feigning knowledge.
- When it comes to dispensing advice, wording is everything. Use a respectful and congenial tone that offers encouragement without appearing judgemental. Also, show that you are genuinely interested in helping the other person and appreciate his strengths without any patronising, pompous or authoritative overtones.
- Keep the counsel simple, clear and specific. Personal comments are taboo, unless of course, they happen to be complimentary.
- As a rule, people are more amenable to positive or congruent opinions. However, blind assent is missing the point. If you happen to differ on a chosen course of action, disagree without being disagreeable. Sensitively diffuse the defensiveness with oodles of diplomacy, tact and soft phrasing.
- Logical reasoning will rationalise a divergent counsel and shroud the new perspective as helpful advice. Making the recipient believe that the solution was his own idea or decision will subtly win over acceptance too.
- Avoid being inflexible; build the willingness to explore options if a solution appears unacceptable.
- Refrain from offering counsel unless it is expressly asked for.
- Practising what you preach is the one and only way to set a good example and build credibility. So, never proffer advice that you would not act on yourself.
- Last but not the least, never pester a recipient to follow your advice or take umbrage if he fails to take heed. To quote writer HannahSmith, `The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right'.
In contrast, conclude your suggestion with the rider, `This is only my perspective and the rest is up to you'. After all, the final decision is the receiver's alone.
After all this there is a saying " people like to give advise by the bushels but take it by the grain'.
PAYAL CHANANIA
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