Published on Wednesday, Nov 29, 2006
'If you are not criticised, you may not be doing much!'
'If you have no critics, you will likely have no success!'
Everyone will undoubtedly agree to the veracity of such celebrated quotations... ... .. but only as long as they are harmless words on paper. The nonchalant concurrence dies an untimely death the minute one is at the receiving end of a not so glowing a tribute!
We hate criticism! Be it a private conversation, meeting, impromptu feedback or a performance review, the merest whiff of a negative insinuation raises our hackles and we erect a series of indomitable barricades to deflect the `attack'. The `flight-or-fight' syndrome takes over as we deny/defend/counterattack criticism. Read it as arrogance, embarrassment, anxiety or face-saving, but an inexorable defensiveness does set in automatically.
Well, an, `I don't like this... .', `Can't you do anything right?' or `This is terrible... .' does hurt? However, what we fail to realise is that warding off or discarding harsh criticism reeks cowardice. Moreover, we ourselves stand to lose the essence of the analysis by tuning out the distressing comments. The ringside view reveals the actual effects of our behaviour and actions enabling requisite corrections provided we take it with a pinch of salt.
Winston Churchill couldn't have put it better when he said, "Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things".
A few pointers on how to open one's ears and minds to the wake-up call of an unbiased critique and react professionally:
Reality check
It is human to feel threatened and attacked when someone `dares' to pass judgments on your choices or points out your errors. But, hold your horses before rushing to your defense for... they could be right! Remember that nobody is infallible and learning from one's mistakes will actually raise the bar of our own performance.
Each to his own
Again, everyone is entitled to his point of view and cannot stop others from airing theirs. Retaliating defensively actually reveals your vulnerability and empowers the detractor with greater ammunition against you. So, refrain from becoming unduly sensitive and get prepared to deal with critical comments positively.
Change of tack
Relax and listen carefully to the entire critique without spewing counter-arguments. If you require time to surmount the initial anger, show that you are willing to hear but need to step away to reflect on the judicious comments. You can even seek further opinions to confirm the truth of the comments.
Then, discuss the feedback on a positive note - request details, examples and reasoning to clarify the general or ambiguous remarks. The disarming power of open-ended questions will stimulate the critic to respond sincerely as well as expose his real motives. Seek suggestions on how to behave differently or to tackle the situation better. This calm response will effectively take the sting out of the attack!
Ball is in your court
Critically evaluate whether the assessment is fair or not. You don't have to agree to everything, believe in yourself and filter out the points you are willing to accept. Eventually, you are the final judge in the matter and its up to you what you choose to learn from it and what you do with the knowledge. But, if there is a grain of truth in the critique, swallow your pride and admit your faults along with a commitment to make changes too. Sincerely appreciate the viewpoint and express gratitude for the valuable analysis without sarcastic undertones.
Draw the line
Do not submit to unwarranted verbal abuse or to deliberate offensiveness. This is not the time to bite your tongue, but to stand up for yourself. Set limits and assertively show that you will not cave in to the vapid insults. However, if you just disagree with something, rationally explain your stand without resorting to lame excuses. Playing the blame game and trying to pass the buck, as a justification will merely undermine your respect and self-esteem.
A step ahead
It is rightly said that your critic is your best friend. Instead of stroking your ego, he actually points out your mistakes for your own good. In fact, successful leaders treat criticism as an opportunity waiting to happen. They not only accept but actually invite others to share concerns, judge actions and question decisions. Welcoming and embracing feedback helps them polish their performance and shine. Taking such criticism in the spirit in which it is given also builds healthy work relationships based on trust and confidence.All said and done, criticism and feedback are an integral part of everyday happenings. As famed philosopher, Aristotle remarked with his tongue firmly in cheek, `Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing and being nothing!'
'If you have no critics, you will likely have no success!'
Everyone will undoubtedly agree to the veracity of such celebrated quotations... ... .. but only as long as they are harmless words on paper. The nonchalant concurrence dies an untimely death the minute one is at the receiving end of a not so glowing a tribute!
We hate criticism! Be it a private conversation, meeting, impromptu feedback or a performance review, the merest whiff of a negative insinuation raises our hackles and we erect a series of indomitable barricades to deflect the `attack'. The `flight-or-fight' syndrome takes over as we deny/defend/counterattack criticism. Read it as arrogance, embarrassment, anxiety or face-saving, but an inexorable defensiveness does set in automatically.
Well, an, `I don't like this... .', `Can't you do anything right?' or `This is terrible... .' does hurt? However, what we fail to realise is that warding off or discarding harsh criticism reeks cowardice. Moreover, we ourselves stand to lose the essence of the analysis by tuning out the distressing comments. The ringside view reveals the actual effects of our behaviour and actions enabling requisite corrections provided we take it with a pinch of salt.
Winston Churchill couldn't have put it better when he said, "Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things".
A few pointers on how to open one's ears and minds to the wake-up call of an unbiased critique and react professionally:
Reality check
It is human to feel threatened and attacked when someone `dares' to pass judgments on your choices or points out your errors. But, hold your horses before rushing to your defense for... they could be right! Remember that nobody is infallible and learning from one's mistakes will actually raise the bar of our own performance.
Each to his own
Again, everyone is entitled to his point of view and cannot stop others from airing theirs. Retaliating defensively actually reveals your vulnerability and empowers the detractor with greater ammunition against you. So, refrain from becoming unduly sensitive and get prepared to deal with critical comments positively.
Change of tack
Relax and listen carefully to the entire critique without spewing counter-arguments. If you require time to surmount the initial anger, show that you are willing to hear but need to step away to reflect on the judicious comments. You can even seek further opinions to confirm the truth of the comments.
Then, discuss the feedback on a positive note - request details, examples and reasoning to clarify the general or ambiguous remarks. The disarming power of open-ended questions will stimulate the critic to respond sincerely as well as expose his real motives. Seek suggestions on how to behave differently or to tackle the situation better. This calm response will effectively take the sting out of the attack!
Ball is in your court
Critically evaluate whether the assessment is fair or not. You don't have to agree to everything, believe in yourself and filter out the points you are willing to accept. Eventually, you are the final judge in the matter and its up to you what you choose to learn from it and what you do with the knowledge. But, if there is a grain of truth in the critique, swallow your pride and admit your faults along with a commitment to make changes too. Sincerely appreciate the viewpoint and express gratitude for the valuable analysis without sarcastic undertones.
Draw the line
Do not submit to unwarranted verbal abuse or to deliberate offensiveness. This is not the time to bite your tongue, but to stand up for yourself. Set limits and assertively show that you will not cave in to the vapid insults. However, if you just disagree with something, rationally explain your stand without resorting to lame excuses. Playing the blame game and trying to pass the buck, as a justification will merely undermine your respect and self-esteem.
A step ahead
It is rightly said that your critic is your best friend. Instead of stroking your ego, he actually points out your mistakes for your own good. In fact, successful leaders treat criticism as an opportunity waiting to happen. They not only accept but actually invite others to share concerns, judge actions and question decisions. Welcoming and embracing feedback helps them polish their performance and shine. Taking such criticism in the spirit in which it is given also builds healthy work relationships based on trust and confidence.All said and done, criticism and feedback are an integral part of everyday happenings. As famed philosopher, Aristotle remarked with his tongue firmly in cheek, `Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing and being nothing!'
PAYAL AGARWAL
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