Published on Wednesday, May 16, 2007
"I KNOW it's going to happen, in fact, it just had to happen! After all, bad things always happen to me, my life will never get any better".
Do you catch yourself experiencing such `powerless' feelings time and again? Yes that's the victim mentality at play again!
Some people subconsciously convince themselves that they are victims of everything and blame everyone in the world for their circumstances. It's always somebody else's fault, be it what they are or what they do.
Customary refrains in the vein of, `I didn't have time'; `I never get what I deserve'; `Look what you made me do'; `My boss expects too much of me' pepper their arguments all the time. `Victims' don't get a promotion because the boss `hates' them, and not due to their substandard work or failure to deliver results. The manager's negligence in instructing them over what to do and how, validates poor performance. Again, it's always some colleague who keeps them from completing projects in time, never their own tendency to procrastinate. Irrespective of the circumstances, they evade taking responsibility for their actions with a ready excuse.
Slipping into this mindset, they believe they are helpless to control or change their choices and surrender the power over their lives to others. Consequently, the swirling sea of anger and resentment leaves them feeling trapped, disconnected and frustrated.
Popular writer, Jessica Chen observes, `Essentially, being caught in the victim mentality is cyclical, and we will never break that cycle if we are busy feeling sorry for ourselves all the time'. In fact, psychologists believe that some people become addicted to the self-pity and actually revel in painting themselves as the `hapless victim'.
Unfortunately, our workplaces also have to pay the price for the swarming victim mentality.
The blame-shifting decadence weakens organisations as staff enthusiasm, self-esteem, creativity and productivity go for a toss. Employees cannot even make their own decisions and are busy judging, criticising and blaming others to justify their own actions.
What they fail to realise is that the self-styled vulnerability sabotages their own success and begets negative outcomes.
Paving the way to freedom
Justifying one's behaviour and actions by blaming the system, managers or circumstances no longer works. You have to break free from the self-destructive shackles by stepping up and taking responsibility for your own success. The ground rules for overcoming a victim mentality are:
Villain of the piece - Become aware of your subliminal mindset to protect yourself as a `victim'. Acknowledging the problem will help you to come to terms with yourself. Decisive action to escape the clutches of fear will follow automatically.
Ditch the blame game - Instead of wallowing in indulgent self-pity, take stock of the situation. Ask yourself questions like, `Why is it not your fault?' `Why don't you get what you deserve?' `What makes the situation hopeless or unfair?' `Why was it forced upon you?' or `Why doesn't the boss respect your opinions?' It is time to get real and realise that the world does not owe you anything.
Shift gears - Healthy thinking is not focussing on what you cannot control but on what you can.
After all, even if you cannot influence the circumstances, you can always condition your response and retain your power; which in itself is half the battle won.
Re-set your sails - Instead of waiting for people or things to change, think of what you can do to make things better. Seek solutions, not excuses. As author Gary Simpson advises, `Victim mentality can be overcome'.
Navigate through emotional riffraff - If your victim mentality is attributable to abusive bosses, bullying colleagues or other ill treatments in the past, try to calmly confront the perpetrator or limit your contact with emotional detachment.
In the end, it's your life! Proactively tackling your susceptibility will liberate you to move on in life and work. That is undoubtedly a big weight off the mind.
Do you catch yourself experiencing such `powerless' feelings time and again? Yes that's the victim mentality at play again!
Some people subconsciously convince themselves that they are victims of everything and blame everyone in the world for their circumstances. It's always somebody else's fault, be it what they are or what they do.
Customary refrains in the vein of, `I didn't have time'; `I never get what I deserve'; `Look what you made me do'; `My boss expects too much of me' pepper their arguments all the time. `Victims' don't get a promotion because the boss `hates' them, and not due to their substandard work or failure to deliver results. The manager's negligence in instructing them over what to do and how, validates poor performance. Again, it's always some colleague who keeps them from completing projects in time, never their own tendency to procrastinate. Irrespective of the circumstances, they evade taking responsibility for their actions with a ready excuse.
Slipping into this mindset, they believe they are helpless to control or change their choices and surrender the power over their lives to others. Consequently, the swirling sea of anger and resentment leaves them feeling trapped, disconnected and frustrated.
Popular writer, Jessica Chen observes, `Essentially, being caught in the victim mentality is cyclical, and we will never break that cycle if we are busy feeling sorry for ourselves all the time'. In fact, psychologists believe that some people become addicted to the self-pity and actually revel in painting themselves as the `hapless victim'.
Unfortunately, our workplaces also have to pay the price for the swarming victim mentality.
The blame-shifting decadence weakens organisations as staff enthusiasm, self-esteem, creativity and productivity go for a toss. Employees cannot even make their own decisions and are busy judging, criticising and blaming others to justify their own actions.
What they fail to realise is that the self-styled vulnerability sabotages their own success and begets negative outcomes.
Paving the way to freedom
Justifying one's behaviour and actions by blaming the system, managers or circumstances no longer works. You have to break free from the self-destructive shackles by stepping up and taking responsibility for your own success. The ground rules for overcoming a victim mentality are:
Villain of the piece - Become aware of your subliminal mindset to protect yourself as a `victim'. Acknowledging the problem will help you to come to terms with yourself. Decisive action to escape the clutches of fear will follow automatically.
Ditch the blame game - Instead of wallowing in indulgent self-pity, take stock of the situation. Ask yourself questions like, `Why is it not your fault?' `Why don't you get what you deserve?' `What makes the situation hopeless or unfair?' `Why was it forced upon you?' or `Why doesn't the boss respect your opinions?' It is time to get real and realise that the world does not owe you anything.
Shift gears - Healthy thinking is not focussing on what you cannot control but on what you can.
After all, even if you cannot influence the circumstances, you can always condition your response and retain your power; which in itself is half the battle won.
Re-set your sails - Instead of waiting for people or things to change, think of what you can do to make things better. Seek solutions, not excuses. As author Gary Simpson advises, `Victim mentality can be overcome'.
Navigate through emotional riffraff - If your victim mentality is attributable to abusive bosses, bullying colleagues or other ill treatments in the past, try to calmly confront the perpetrator or limit your contact with emotional detachment.
In the end, it's your life! Proactively tackling your susceptibility will liberate you to move on in life and work. That is undoubtedly a big weight off the mind.
PAYAL CHANANIA
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